Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
