u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
