Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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