I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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