I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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