he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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