Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
