I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
