Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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