you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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