Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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