Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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