she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
