Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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