Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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