Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
