The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
