I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish life had little blips of pornography
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
