I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
