At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
