so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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