when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
