Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
