You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
