The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
