Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
is that a dick in a sweater?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
