Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
