I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
