it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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