he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
