dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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