One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
