sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
