I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
