haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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