she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She tied me up with her honor cords...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
