3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
