We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
