okay pat passed out under dana's car
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
