so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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