Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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