he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
