Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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