My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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