Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
