i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
