But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
