he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
