she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
