Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
