YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
