The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
