is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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