I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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