its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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