I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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