is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
