puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
