I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drunk is not a location!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
