i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
