I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
