Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
be right there i have to get my cape
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
