My liver just broke up with me...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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