Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
