history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My dick has a subreddit
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
